I am about to finish my bloody project and I am about to rest. I don’t know else what should I do as I sit here at home and do all sorts of shenanigans. I will watch a documentary before I sleep and I plan to finish everything else tomorrow. Life is a little bit crazy, with some frustrations, some misadventures and a lot of happy moments.
I feel weird; at times, I feel so euphoric that I thought that I am flying up there in the clouds. There are also times when I just want to get into a corner and cry for reasons that I can’t even tell, for things that I can’t reach, for aspirations that are delayed. Even though I am immune to failure, the fact that I stumble down just makes me feel as if sometimes the impossible may never be reached.
Sometimes, it is easy to be apathetic to the things that are around me, to the people around me; sometimes, I just want to be alone and drown myself in techno music, eating all sorts of junk food. Sometimes, I just want to experience life as it is, and I feel that I am a superhero who can do everything in this world.
There are days when I just want to endlessly bang on the keyboard and write something and write everything and write whatever I want to write. There are times that I feel that my hidden creative side just flows out like a river. And there are times when I do not want to write anything, even as I see the clouds, I see the sky, I see the colors of life and whatnot.
When I get into a server, most of the time, I own a lot. Even if I do not own, I feel like I have done something for myself or for the team. And yet there are moments when even though I got a very high score, I don’t feel it. Worse, if I lose, then I just go very, very frustrated, as if I have been denied a moment to live.
At times, I am at one with everyone. At times, I am a nobody-literally a piece of trash. And then to add to that, there are times that I feel like I just want to lurk in the dark, to stop thinking, to stop feeling, to be oblivious to the pain and the things that are happening. Yet, there are days that I just see life as a mode in which everything is nice and easy and good and whatnot.
Well, at the end of the day, it is all about me and my damn sanity and whatever else is in my freaking values system. I just hope that I’ll find what I want in life…and if nothing else, to get the best for me in this life.
Life will always be filled with its own version of the roller coaster. I mean, I never expected myself to be here in Turkey, let alone becoming an editor at a prestigious national newspaper, doing what I love to do…Well, life always carries a bunch of surprises, so well, there are only a few things left…I hope that I just get surprised!
I am absolutely surprised at the fact that there are a lot of things that I must still know, I mean it is amazing that there are still people to know, things to do, places to discover…
Well, whatever happens, I guess I have nothing to do with that. All I can do is to do my job in the best way that I can, have my game, have my rules, have my life, have my music and well, leave the rest to the Almighty.
What the heck anyway.